So much going on

I really should be in bed, but I have so much running through my head right now. Dougs news of deployment next year has sort of become official.. and Im fighting back the tears regularly in order to not make him feel guilty or think he has done somehting wrong. I know in my heart he doesnt want to go either, but it is part of what we have to do as a military family and a sacrifice me and our children have to make.. but it still breaks my heart.. 12 or more months without him is just not fair.. not at all. :*( The kids are who I worry about.. and our relationship once he does return. How will it change? I know it will affect us significantly on a day to day routine sort of way just because I know how I get when he is gone for even a short period of time and returns. Im structured to the T. Mostly out of necessity since our 3 small children work best in our family and smooth with a plan and structure. Not so rigid it makes life no fun.. just structured enough to keep things flowing at a pace comfortable for all and the ability to toss a change in here and there without worry or ramifications. Structure that is good for their well being AND my sanity.
So on top of this stuff I am feeling a lot of weight burying me about my family. We are going to St. Louis for Thanksgiving and it will be nice. I miss my Dad and really am going to try to focus on being understanding about my Mom and the situation she finds herself in now with my Dad now being the one for her to care for instead of vice versa. I know it is scary for her and I pray every day for thier safety and understanding in one another. Her patience is pretty much null... and I know where I get that from thank you very much!
Then tonight Doug gets a message from his oldest daughter. Yes the ones I have been praying about regularly and in a lot of thought about. She says she wants to come here in the summer for a month. Hrmm... strange request to want to come live with us for a month when she says a few weeks ago she wants nothing to do with me.. BUT I am praying this is truly a turn around and maybe a breaking point we have been praying and standing in faith about. I love her.. no matter what the motives might be or the situation might bring. She is his daughter, and my stepdaughter and my childrens oldest sister. She belongs with us in my heart.. and honestly I know our church could fill so much of a void that is in her life if she could only stand up and say she does not want to play games any longer but instead wants to come have a truly full life, go to school where she can enrich herself daily and graduate with 100% backing from us.. then maybe do the internship or God knows what might be in store for her. So young.. Im just so afraid she is being molded into something she will eventually hate. I know how that feels... :(
Anyway so I rambled on enough. I drank way too much coffee tonight before, during and after church so now Im going to attempt to sleep.