So much going on

I really should be in bed, but I have so much running through my head right now. Dougs news of deployment next year has sort of become official.. and Im fighting back the tears regularly in order to not make him feel guilty or think he has done somehting wrong. I know in my heart he doesnt want to go either, but it is part of what we have to do as a military family and a sacrifice me and our children have to make.. but it still breaks my heart.. 12 or more months without him is just not fair.. not at all. :*( The kids are who I worry about.. and our relationship once he does return. How will it change? I know it will affect us significantly on a day to day routine sort of way just because I know how I get when he is gone for even a short period of time and returns. Im structured to the T. Mostly out of necessity since our 3 small children work best in our family and smooth with a plan and structure. Not so rigid it makes life no fun.. just structured enough to keep things flowing at a pace comfortable for all and the ability to toss a change in here and there without worry or ramifications. Structure that is good for their well being AND my sanity.
So on top of this stuff I am feeling a lot of weight burying me about my family. We are going to St. Louis for Thanksgiving and it will be nice. I miss my Dad and really am going to try to focus on being understanding about my Mom and the situation she finds herself in now with my Dad now being the one for her to care for instead of vice versa. I know it is scary for her and I pray every day for thier safety and understanding in one another. Her patience is pretty much null... and I know where I get that from thank you very much!
Then tonight Doug gets a message from his oldest daughter. Yes the ones I have been praying about regularly and in a lot of thought about. She says she wants to come here in the summer for a month. Hrmm... strange request to want to come live with us for a month when she says a few weeks ago she wants nothing to do with me.. BUT I am praying this is truly a turn around and maybe a breaking point we have been praying and standing in faith about. I love her.. no matter what the motives might be or the situation might bring. She is his daughter, and my stepdaughter and my childrens oldest sister. She belongs with us in my heart.. and honestly I know our church could fill so much of a void that is in her life if she could only stand up and say she does not want to play games any longer but instead wants to come have a truly full life, go to school where she can enrich herself daily and graduate with 100% backing from us.. then maybe do the internship or God knows what might be in store for her. So young.. Im just so afraid she is being molded into something she will eventually hate. I know how that feels... :(
Anyway so I rambled on enough. I drank way too much coffee tonight before, during and after church so now Im going to attempt to sleep.

Autumn is awesome

I love Autumn. I always have, always will I think. im excited becuase my friend Kelly is getitng married next October and has asked me to be int he wedding. On the other hand I am feeling a little bit.. No, Im not gonna lie, a LOT anxious about how I will feel aobut th dresses she may pick or want us to wear. Ive had my fair share of weight issues and appearance meltdowns.. but I truly feel like i have overcome most of that becuase Im a Mom now.. and although I do not have and will never have the "perfect" body that hollywood and so much of the world expects (which is honestly not natural and only normal for a very small percentage of women to be THAT tiny and bone thin, the rest are usually sick with some sort of eating disorder and I have been there, it isnt fun). i hva found that I become anxious when I know i will be surrounded by those who arent mothers, and who depend so much on societys vision for women and their bodies.

Im not saying i cant be myelf, but I am saying I have reservations now in retrospect about accepting her invitation to be int he wedding. I shouldnt feel that way, but I KNOW I will be the only woman bigger than a size 8 or 10 in the party of 5 girls.. feeling like a sore thumb sticking out. Then I remember that i cannot allow my flesh to win and i HAVE to overcome htis way of thinking that I have fallen back into. Im smaller than I was when I wa sin 8th grade right now.. and i have 3 kids between the ages of 4 and 10months. i should feel empowered and accomplished for htis. Am I as small as i was once before, when I was very sick after surgery? No.. but im healthy and happy and stronger than I was then too! I thank God for that.

Anyway so today I feel like its reallyimportant for me to take some time to encourage myself and use the Word to push my strength along to conquer once and for all these negative doubts in my self esteem. Never feeling pretty enough or good enough is NOT the wayI walk now. NO MORE will I allow these thoughts to come into my mind or spoil my laughter and spirit.

Im a new creaiton in Christ and Im the apple of Gods eye. I know somany other owmen struggle with similar feelings and Im beginning to think this is what i need to go forward with as my calling to help other women. I have been in the depths of negative when it comes to self esteem and worth.. and I have over come with JOY! Does it mean I never have those thoughts pop up? Not at ALL! The bible promises us we will have trials.. and the devil loves to mess withm y head in this area especially, but I ALWAYS overocme with strength when I turn to the Word and trust in God that the htoughts Im battling are lies. Who told me that??? :) It makes me grin and htink aobut those little skits you see with the devil on your shoulder and an angel on the other.. the devil whispering doubts in your ear. We have to flick him off our shoulder like a pesky bug and MOVE ON!

Praise God for the strength of today in my renewal! Life is awesome :)

I love my husband, family, church.. life!!!

Even with all the worries the stupid devil can throw at me.. Im carefree and anxious for nothing. How? Why? becuase I am being taught by the greatest instructors imagineable that NOTHING good will ever be withheld from me by God.. and that he is my source in ALL times...not just the hard times.
I have had an incredible good positive day. Im looking forward to the last class of the 2M first semester tonight.... not looking forward to Doug having to leave for 3 minght next week but I will manage, as always :) I may even see if my Sister Susan wants to come for a short visit to hang with me and the kids and keep me company. That is always a fun option.. but it is short notice unfortunatly.
I found an interesting site for a calorie free, soy and gluten free "noodle". i was a bit unconvinced...still am honestly. Probably tastes like cardboard since it is made from 'fiber" and water.. haha. If interested check out the site : http://www.miraclenoodle.com/
Well I had better make this short and wrap it up. Im meetign hubby at Guts for 2M at about 5:30 and I still need to get Vivian up from her crib, get her clothes changed and feed her some food. Im hopeful that her tummy troubles has gone away. Poor baby had a diaper rash form the acids :*( I hate that. Gee.. Im not sure if anyone even reads these... lol Oh well, Im journaling at least!

Downward spiral of worries.. go away devil!

My mind is moving way too fast to think clearly right now. My Dad had another surgery on Tuesday fo rhis heart and major blockage. Just found out that he had a stroke during the surgery. He is still in the hospital and htings arent looking good right now. Im truly staying in belief that what is happening with him cannot be becuas eh has given up. After laying his baby brother to rest just last weekend I could feel it in him, hence the last post about my urgency to spend some time with him talking about his faith, etc.
Im still stuck.. and i am so concerned and trying to stay in faith about it all. Im expecting him to recover.. Im demanding Gods word to ring true in his life. He is healed... but it still makes me long to be there at a time when financially it seems impossible. I keep telling myself nothing is impossible with God.. and im staying there. Standing in it with the wind smacking me int he face. It is NOT going toblow me down. i am strong and built on a rock. God will provide a way. The devil is not going to win.
I thank God for my focus being diverted with my 3 little ones. Doug is sowing seed working NightMare for a huge Saturday night from what I hear. That is awesome. My heart is heavy with thoughts about my family in St. Louis, but I know God knows our hearts.. and whatever the plan is for us it will be good.. ALL good comes from above...NOTHING missing nothing broken.
Im going to go crawl into my big comfy "suckthe life out of m" chair and read some good 2M notes and my bible.
God is my source...always

Thankful

I decided yesterday to list at least 2 things I am thankful for daily on my twitter account since I have about 52 days until Thanksgiving and it is ALWAYS nice to think about all we are thankful for. I did this after getting a "tweet" from one of the elders who I admire at church. Yea, it might be a bit cheesy but it is still good for the heart and soul! :)
Doug and i had to go to my unles funeral this past weekend. It wasnt much fun and left me in deep thought about things. My Dad is not in great health and during the funeral of his younger brother a very profound message was given by the officiant. He mad eit clear about his conversation with my Uncle about his salvation.. and it hit me that i hav never made it clear with eithe rof my parents if they have been saved or if they indeed have confessed the Lord Jesus Christ as their savior. It is veryi mportant to me to talk to them in person now.. I feel a very urgent need to do this immediatly. Doug has a 4 day weekend coming soon over Columbus day... this leaves me thinking. I wish we had more income available to go visit. It is SO important right now to do this. Its leaving me with a heavy heart every time I think about it. *sigh*
Anyway Im going to go shower. I have all three kids in bed for naps currently and that NEVER happens, so Im taking full advantage and heading to a haven of warm water and lavendar bubbles. AHhhhhhhhh Garden tub here I COME!

God is awesome

Ok so fall is always my favorite time ofyear. It always gives me excitement and allows me to regroup my thoughts and breathe a little easier.. that is before I start decoratingand sprucing up the house for an awesome holiday of Halloween, Thanksgiving and then.. ta da... Christmas! :)
Doug and i have been standing in faith for our mortgage to be refinanced at a much lower rate. Today our prayers were answered. This is a VERY big deal lemme tell you. Just 2 short years ago i hadnt ever imagined that we would be able to wrap our minds around home ownership, and now we are so lucky to have an interest rate that Dougs credit would have never qualified for otherwise had we not been able to do what we did back then. Wow.. God is awesome!
Now we are just holding strong on Doug not going anywhere. The word is right now all training is pointing to a deloyment in Oct 09 for him. So much can change between now and then, and Im staying confident he isnt going anywhere. Doug has been struggling a lot with fears and anxiety I think overall about it, and it is truly giving him faith a smack down beyond compare, but thankfully with us being so rooted in our church and having a great support system around us we have managed to stand so far and not take too much of a beating. We have had spats.. been forced to tears a couple of times, but in the end we KNOW God is going to protect our family and keep us safe and together no matter what.
Doug has really been fortunate to have one of the elder sin our church become rather close. He confide sin him and knows it willa lways be a positive and uplifting word without anything being just what he "should" say. Roger doesnt blow smoke up.. if you know what I mean. Luckily also we ar ein 2M this year together and it is so awesome. All of it is fiting together really perfect, all becuase we know Gods will is perfect peace for us. No worry, no stress... its all taken care of and paid in full.
OK I'm gonna have to cut this shorter than I had anticipated. Vivi is awake and im sure hse is hungry. Little sleepy head! Wake up at 11:30! I would say I wish I could sleep int hat late, but come to think of it no I dont.. I would have a sleep headache! hahah!
Ciao for now.

Been a while

Im trying to keep things in perspective here.. Fall seems it has come early, but im staying hopeful it isnt 90 when Halloween comes! Crazy Okie weather!!! haha
Doug has been on nights flight training for 2 weeks. Tonight is FINALLY his last night working. I had a real "moment" earlier whenI woke up. Let me first set the stage:
Yesterday was umm how should I say this? Difficult.. yea, that works. I made cupcakes, which I did beautiful lattice work icing on them, only for it to end up smooshing off o them afterwads under the dome (I guess the icing was too fudgy and not stiff enough becuase they were definately cool). so yea, this made me very upset after all my hard work *wah*
Then I missed Odugs call from work not once, but twice. Why does this bother me so much? Hmmm well probably because of the 10 hours that he is home each day (seriously Im not kidding, thats all he is home) about 6 or 8 of them he is sleeping. Gah! So every time I tried to call back he was in pre flight, meetings, or flying.
I ended up making dinner for me and the kids, of which they begged for hotdogs instead and I gave in becuase I just didnt want to fight about it (and I usually do not do this, trust me!). So I ate pot roast, potatoes and carrots alone.. and cried about it. How pathetic is that? LOL!
I stayed up until well after 12 waiting for a call but was sure i wasnt going to make it. I txtd him abuot 12:30 and said I was going to lay down and cover up becuase I was cold. I aske dhim to wake me when he got home.
He didnt. I woke up at 5-ish listening to Deuce pester his Dad to get up. I asked him why he didnt wake me and he said I was sound asleep and he didnt want to disturb me. *sigh* Its sweet and I didnt argue becuase I did need the sleep, BUT I needed adult conversation too.
So I got up this morning and was in a fowl mood. I found myself not being very nice in how I was dealing with the kids and this made me feel aweful. I stopped what i was doing and prayed. I just got alone and told God i had so much anger hurtand loneliness in me that I felt like I woul explode. i needed to explain it to Doug how i was feeling but I did not trust myself to do it with the emotions I had. I asked God to help me.. to give me a chance and to help me know what to say or what not to say. I felt like God was telling me to just leave it alone.. let him handle it. Ummm not my typical thing. Keep m mouth shut??? ME??? Not "discuss' the situation?? Unheard of!!!! HAHAHA
But I did it. I submited... I obeyed what I felt God was asking of me.
I went to the kitchen and made breakfast. Cooking alway sseems to help me get the issue sin my head under control. I asked Lexie to go wake her Daddy and tell him breakfast was done. He came out and hugged me, saying to the kids that im the best Mommy ever. *awe*. That made me smile. Then Doug cleaned up the dishes afterwards and it hit me... he smiled, sat down at the computer and said, "You know after tonight Im taking off two whole days".
*gulp* Wow, I had no idea! I was stunned. I wanted to tell him he needed to spend some time with me and the kids, take osme of the comp time he had accrued off so we could get reaquainted.. and I didnt even have to utter a word! PHEW!!!
So yea, its a long story, but seriously, sometimes our strongest member (our tongue) is best kept shut up in our mouth and let God do the talking!

Suprise Party

This pic was taken of Vivi yesterday playing dress up. So adorable.. *sigh*

I'm so excited! I have never fully been able to totally suprise Doug with a party.. and this year I am REALLY going to try hard to do so.
My friends Amanda, Sarah and Tracy are helping. We are going to hand out paper invites and i sent out evites in email as well as facebook. I'm going to pray I do not have to tella little white lie to keep him from flying the Friday night I have picked out for the event. We are having Wii games, Kareoke, and a giant slip and slide for the kids! LOL! HOW FUN!
I'm excited. I needed the diversion to help me really get a grip on things in life today. I really felt like i was slipping into a rut.. and the devil was trying to barge thru the door that I was cracking open. NOT gonna happen. It is trying to thunderstorm (literally) today here finally, and im enjoying it dag nabbit! Nothing is going to steal one of the things I love to enjoy! Nothing! :)
Im ready for fall. The heat is a killer right now and Doug and I both arent feeling much good for anything lately after the long days.
Speaking of Doug, he is taking Alexis out on a date tonight. *awe*. So cute... Im really glad he is doing that. Then I think he is doing a Daddy day with Deuce and his friend Alex on Saturday. So fun!

Ok Ineed to jet.. Vivi is awake and the other two are asleep, and that could spell trouble. Ciao for now.

Loving life and wishing for Fall

My life has been so peaceful lately. Doug returning home after being gone made things nice.. but this heat.. ugh Im SOOO done with it! I LOVE fall. I'm looking forward to it so much that I honestly became GIDDY with delight whenI seen fall like items out int he stores! How dorky am I???
The kids seem cooped up becuas eit has been so incredibly hot. Which makes ME feel cooped up. I think I honestly avoid outside MORE int he summer than in the winter mostly becuase of my aweful redhead easy to burn skin. *sigh* Oh well... cabin fever int he summer sucks, which is precisely WHy I love fall so much I imagine.
Life has been great. My new friend Sarah at church makes me smile. She is going through a lot, but staying faithful and that makes me so proud of her. She is new to the church, only about 4 weeks or so, but she admitted to me she cannot wait to get to Wed and Sunday each week. That is awesome isnt it??? her kids love it too. So mucht hat her son CRIED when he was told it wasnt church night. *awe* Sweet but also sad huh?
Anyway I just had time for a quick update. Lexie and Deuce are being rather wild today and I need an outlet. Hmmm maybe I will fill mself with MAJOR giddyness and head to Michaels Craft store or HobbyLobby.. craft places ALWAYS have seasonal stuf fout WAY early and that just tickels me pink. Haha... heck they might even have Christmas Trees out at this point. Might give me a momentary CHILL! *snort*

Been a while..

I have been really trying to keep myself busy for the end of the summer. It seems almost impossible to be saying that... "end of summer" but I have to admit Im looking forward to it ending. August has just begun and it has been SO hot and dry icky. Heat indexs of well over 100 degrees makes me long for fall... big time. Fall is my favorite time of year. If I could live osmehwere witht he longest fall season I SO would. Seirously. I love pumpkins, hayrides, Halloween.. the smells of fall like apples, sinnamon pumpin spice.. all that lovely stuff *grin*
I have had a really wonderful past week or so. had a girls night at the melting opt restaurant which was a lot of fun. Made a few new friends as well.. and then last night becuase Doug flew off to Ft Chaffee for training I had a few girls over very last minute. We had mexican fiesta and played Wii a bit. Very fun. Amanda who is a 20 yr old at the church is just adorable. I love her to pieces. She is fun, vibrant, loud and just crazy like me. We bust out in song about everything and it is truly just pure fun. Yay for fun!
Anyway Im going to cut this sort of short becuase I need to get my day going. We had a late night and then Vivi got me up rather early so I havent quite gotten kick started from my cappucino yet this morning. Haha!

Draining days

It seems the days following Dougs return from being gone are always so challenging for me. i set up high expectations of myself, and him and then I feel like I fail at so many of them and it leaves me sad. Thank God I have the word to lift me up and remind me that all of my wordly expectations do not have to be met to giv eme complete happiness... God has given me all I will ever need and I hold strong to that.
Its hard to go along and be "ok" when you are fighting the enemy on the inside. Im so glad doug and i are doing the 2M at Guts this eyar together. I know it will help me to focus and I pray it willa lso help him to focus as well.
Mmm cappucino is good this morning. Love it when I make it myself and its strong but soothing to me. Love my coffee lately thats for sure. Ha.
I cant remember if I mentioned or not yet in my blog, but we had a reat time on our date the other night. Paula is a true blessing of a friend for dealing with my three kidgits as well as hers while we had some adult time alone. Melting Pot made our tummies happy *grin*.
It's been SO hot here the last couple of days. Doug went back to work on his typical Monday-ish Tuesdays (he works 4 10 hour days). I miss him already. Lol... silly huh?
Anyway Im going to get off of here and try to grabs omething healthy for breakfast before Vivi wakes for the day. Once she gets out of bed the fun begins! Muwah!

Date night!

I'm seriously giddy.... Doug and I are going out on a date tonight. I had an awesome day too. First I went bargain clearance summer clothes shopipng (makes no sense to me since summer will be in full swing for a while still around here in Okie Land but Im not complaining!). i got a really cute and a little sexxy dress to wear out tonight. Shows off the odd blotchy tan I have going on on my arms and shoulders..ha. Oh well. I dont typically wear al ot of things that are strappy or sleeveless because my arms are my NO SHOW danger zone.. but Im ok with it for tonight. I guess the older I get the more I just say WHATEVER Im not perfect and never will be in mans eyes, but in Gods eyes I am *grin* So why not live it up??? :)
When I got home froms hopping I jumpe dint he inflatable pool with Lexie and Deuce. We had a splahing good time while Doug laughed at us and snapped a couple of pictures (might share later). Now Im all dolled up and ready to head out to drop the kids off to the wonderful amazing Paula *bows to her greatness*. I LOVE having awesome friends who take such good care of me! I would say how lucky, but it is all in Gods plan to surround me with awesome people!
Yeap, Im out of control.. every sentence seems to have exclamation marks like a 7th grader... and then ight hasnt even begun yet. Not sure if Doug will be able to tolerate me by the end of our date. We are going to Riverwalk in Jenks to the Melting Pot. A treat indeed, but something we have wanted to do for a while. Made reservations for a quiet private table off to ourselves for lots of alone time to talk and enjoy each others company. I cant wait!
OK I need to get off of here and get the kids bag ready to go. Loving this weekend already!

Its been a few days

Wow it has been a while... Not neglecting the blog, just been UBER busy. My trip to St. Louis was... umm draining. Vivian is cutting teeth and was quite vocal about it on many occassions during the drive *sigh* On top of this she doesnt like to eat much when her gums are sore (cant blame her!) So it was a loud drive to say the least.
My Dads health is becoming worse and it scares me. Watching your Daddy, your HERO.. the guy you adore and thought nothing could EVER harm him become so weak and disoriented is truly heart breaking. He has althzeimers and Parkinsons. Both are progressing rapidly, and although I try very hard to speak the wor dinto both him and my Mother they just arent in a place to truly ecieve it the way they need to i fear.. so I pay, multiple times daily for them to finally get it. My Dad is not himself anymore. We had to watch him closer than I do my 2 yr old Son. He tries to sneak off out of the house, which is scary enough, but with them living in the middle of St. Louis City it is even worse. He imagines things and talks like they are real.. its so sad. :*(
In other more upbeat news, Doug is finally home. He met up with us in St. louis and we drove home together (in seperate cars). Imvery glad to have him home but it seems like we just havent had a chance to really reocnnect yet. His week back to work has been hard in the heat again. He is pretty exhausted each day when he gets home and I have been playing catch up witht he house so it has been really hard for us to even have any talk time. We hope to change that this weekend at some point with a date night. We'll see.
I have a lot on my mind as far as decisions to make in moving forward. Avoiding confrontation is not normally my cup of tea, and at this point I cant avoid it any longer. I honestly havent avoided it, just been distancing myself but now after sitting down over the situation I thought I would feel better but im very confused as to where to move forward with it. i know what is in my heart.. I just cant imagine cutting all ties with either side of this situation... so Im very much hurting today. It doesnt help that i woke up with a fever this morning and my ears feel like I have cotton stuffed in them and my throat is on fire. Im sure it is either a sinus or ear infection.. lovely. *grumble* Im HEALED in Jesus name. PERIOD!
OK Ive rambled on long enough. Have a great Friday all.

Independence Day.. totally independent!

Well Im revving up for what might end up being my most challenging Independence Day weekend ever! Now tomorrow will be a no brainer. Tracy and her neice and stepson willbe coming out for food, laughs, the kids will swim int he pool and then enjoying the block party in our neighborhood and fireworks as it gets dark. Now Saturday should prove to be MUCH more interesting.
Ive talked it over with Doug and I think Im going to go ahead and just show up at my Aunts suprise birthday party and faily fireworks celebration on Saturday. If I leave early enough in the day I can be there by afternoon and the kids can get some much needed running and playing out of their systems before heading to my families house to sleep. It will be a challenge.. a HUGE one, but i think I am up for it. I do think I will make he treck back alone too though rather than waiting for Doug to come back through. It just doesnt make sense for me to stay there... more than likely he will want my help or naviagtion skills in cas eof problems on the road again like his way there. That was a nightmare! He didnt have GPS but he had his "gps wife" on his bluetooth keeping him directed step by step with google maps! haha!
I have a lot to get accomplished if I DO intend on completing this task though. I need to get htings ready for the cooking tomorrow, and then I need to whip my butt into packing gear for me and the kids. I think just taking enough diapers for 3 days will work plus the trip. If I need more I can buy more, ya know? Besides it will save room in the SUV, althoghI dont think we will have issues with that. Im hesitant for just showing up since my parents arent good with suprises (especially Mom) but hopefully it will be a positive thing or else I will just stay with sumone else in the fam.
*sigh* I really am missing Doug a lot today. He has a night vision goggle flight tonight and a test this afternoon so I havent heard much from him. He said he would call me when he breaks for dinner. I'm looking forward to that call.
Dreaming of 10 days from now......

What in the world is going on?

Wow... after hearing from many of my friends today I can't help but feel so lucky to just have my health, my kids happy and healthy and nothing bad going on. Being thankful to God for thos ekind of things has made it much easier to feel safe and secure in a time when it seems so much bad is happening around me.
A friend Emily had bad news today via a phone call at 6AM. Her husband is a PI and was onthe road on a case.. his vehicle was struck by another vehicle that crossed the center line on a narrow mountain road. His car sqirled around and luckily he didnt suffer as bad as it could have been.. torn up arm and hand.. minor other stuff.. but wow.. so scary. Not to mention his truck wa sint he shop for repairs that is costing him a TON more than it should, SO you guessed it.. he totaled a rental car. *sigh*
Financia woes have so many of my friends in a hurting spot that it breaks my heart. God has aplan.. and it is going to work out... people are put in our lives for a reason..... Im a firm believer in that. Money is a big fat root of evil... I honestly would be lying if I didnt say I HATE money. Sure i like to have it to spend and pay bills, etc.. but the strife and worry it causes the people I love.. it makes me ill.
Doug is also in a tight position right now. He is down to the wire.. 9 days and counting as of the AM. He has a really rough 9 days ahead of him too. right now it is 12:04 in Pennsylvania where he is.. and he is STILL in the classroom working on his examination he had to create as an instructor (he is going thru the school to become a lead flight instructor, which means he has to LEARN how to teach a course on flight instruction... so confusing! haha) and he is doing a powerpoint presentation, which is a skeery thought to be honest. I mean he is a smart guy, but not very computer savvy... poor thing! Please pray for him!
Then I read on my friends blog that her sweet daughter who is (was *sniffle*) an aweosme babysitter for us before they moved away found thier family pet had passed away. I bawled like a baby reading her entry.. Im so emotional right now it isnt even funny. These are just a few of the various things Ive come accross today alone. So insane!
So yea, I have been like WHAT is going on anyway? It seems so much is being shoved down our throats... so much negativity.. so much worry, anger, strife, hurt and plain ole CRAP!
Just go away devil... I command you to flee from ALL of my friends and family!
In Jesus NAME!
OK, need to go try an attempt at sleep.. ha.. sleep? Whats that?

Inspired

Thanks to a friend who just moved away I have decided to start blogging here and making note of all the great things God has put in plac ein my life. I have been bloggin for years. Sometimes just private entries for me to look back on and remember.. sort of like a diary, but this blog is for me, my family and friends who I wish to share how awesome life truly is and how Gods grace will SHINE on you no matter what it feels like you are going thru IF you allow it to happen. Stop trying and start trusting is always my favorite thing to say!
Anyway Im glad to be doing this here now. I love to write, but I will warn you when I get to going type way too fast and make major typos, so either just hang with it or if they annoy you too much dont read! haha!
Right now in my life im attempting to jumpstart a small catering business with a friend. So far we have a full menu, which I may post if anyone is interested so I can get feedback. Ive gotten letterhead designed and business cards ont heir way. Int he process of getting the legalities of it all done for just small events so far (probably 50 or less to begin with like showers, parties small weddings, office meetings, etc) and then we will see where it takes us.
Ahh my children. I had to smile as I just looked over at my camera and realized i need to unplug it. I downloaded some adorable pics of Vivian this morning. My youngest little chub.. she makes me smile from ear to ear. So adorable. Lexie and Deuce adore her as well... they make my life so complete.
We are currently missing Daddy a lot. He has been gone for nearing 5 weeks and its wearing on us, but we will make it the next 10 days or so until his return. I usualy do not do this wellw ith separation from him, but I am giving myself a big pat nt he back (and a HUGE thanks to God for my strength!). Let me tell you, thigns sure are easier when you can rely on Gods word to speak life into your circumstances rather than believe what the devil throws at you.. and BOY has he thrown some crap at me lately. It seems just before Doug left I wa sknee deep in hurt, anguish, anxiety and just unexplainable attacks in my ilfe... but I feel like I have rose above all of it and did what was right. I apologized for any wrong I may have done, I prayed diligentl about it and I pressed on. One thing i have learned int his short walk I have had so far with God is that we cannot change others.. we can only pray for them and hope that the wisdom God has for them in their walk with life comes to them. Wrong or right it is the truth.
So Im off to get the smallest of my 3 kidlets out of bed and then Im off to the grocery store. That can be quite an adventure with a 3 and 2 year old AND an almost 6 month old. Wow.. Vivi will be 6 months old on July 11th.. HOW is that possible???
Ciao for now my lovelies.