I love Autumn. I always have, always will I think. im excited becuase my friend Kelly is getitng married next October and has asked me to be int he wedding. On the other hand I am feeling a little bit.. No, Im not gonna lie, a LOT anxious about how I will feel aobut th dresses she may pick or want us to wear. Ive had my fair share of weight issues and appearance meltdowns.. but I truly feel like i have overcome most of that becuase Im a Mom now.. and although I do not have and will never have the "perfect" body that hollywood and so much of the world expects (which is honestly not natural and only normal for a very small percentage of women to be THAT tiny and bone thin, the rest are usually sick with some sort of eating disorder and I have been there, it isnt fun). i hva found that I become anxious when I know i will be surrounded by those who arent mothers, and who depend so much on societys vision for women and their bodies.
Im not saying i cant be myelf, but I am saying I have reservations now in retrospect about accepting her invitation to be int he wedding. I shouldnt feel that way, but I KNOW I will be the only woman bigger than a size 8 or 10 in the party of 5 girls.. feeling like a sore thumb sticking out. Then I remember that i cannot allow my flesh to win and i HAVE to overcome htis way of thinking that I have fallen back into. Im smaller than I was when I wa sin 8th grade right now.. and i have 3 kids between the ages of 4 and 10months. i should feel empowered and accomplished for htis. Am I as small as i was once before, when I was very sick after surgery? No.. but im healthy and happy and stronger than I was then too! I thank God for that.
Anyway so today I feel like its reallyimportant for me to take some time to encourage myself and use the Word to push my strength along to conquer once and for all these negative doubts in my self esteem. Never feeling pretty enough or good enough is NOT the wayI walk now. NO MORE will I allow these thoughts to come into my mind or spoil my laughter and spirit.
Im a new creaiton in Christ and Im the apple of Gods eye. I know somany other owmen struggle with similar feelings and Im beginning to think this is what i need to go forward with as my calling to help other women. I have been in the depths of negative when it comes to self esteem and worth.. and I have over come with JOY! Does it mean I never have those thoughts pop up? Not at ALL! The bible promises us we will have trials.. and the devil loves to mess withm y head in this area especially, but I ALWAYS overocme with strength when I turn to the Word and trust in God that the htoughts Im battling are lies. Who told me that??? :) It makes me grin and htink aobut those little skits you see with the devil on your shoulder and an angel on the other.. the devil whispering doubts in your ear. We have to flick him off our shoulder like a pesky bug and MOVE ON!
Praise God for the strength of today in my renewal! Life is awesome :)
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Karen,
I think you are one of the most beautiful women I know. Honey... this is really an area that us women who are part of the body of Christ need to renew our minds in and not be conformed to this world.
Yes we need to be healthy. Yes we need to take care of our bodies. But God's thoughts on what is healthy and beautiful is different than the worlds thoughts on what is healthy and beautiful...
Honey... know that you are a child of God. True beauty really does come from within. Love yourself, let go of your anxiety, and I'm sure you will be one of the most beautiful women there because of the Joy that is in your heart.
Be Blessed Sista..
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